Monthly Archive: March 2014

Titanfall

I have never played an online multiplayer shooter of any kind, unless your *really* want to count Plants vs. Zombies: Garden Warfare, which is sort of an example of the genre and sort of too goofy for it to feel like an example, even though you are indeed there with the idea that your team is out to kill their team, or that you’re defending a given point. Which sounds an awfully lot like the sort of game I said I’d never play after watching a friend get his ass kicked playing one of the Battlefields, and I’ve steadfastly resisted it up until now.

But Titanfall. Oh, Titanfall.

You lured me in with your graphics and your robots and your awesome tutorial that made me feel a hundred times less lame. Then you charmed me with your gameplay and all of the ducking around corners and shooting the bad guys and then leaping up into this enormous mechanized killing machine. I never thought I could be seduced by a game where I can step on the enemy, but the power of the Titan is enough to make me giddy. And being able to let my Titan go auto? Sublime.

The control scheme is smooth, it plays like a dream, and even my newb ass is succeeding well enough to keep me coming back again, looking to do a little bit better, to kill more pilots or destroy more Titans or merely die less than 10 times in a match. And each time I get a little bit better. Well, except when luck keeps me spawning right next to the enemy. That just sucks.

In any case, I’m hooked. And the worst part is that I’ve been playing on a friend’s Xbox One. I don’t have one of my own. So no Titanfall for me until I can steal his for a few hours again. Damned depressing, that.

Gwyneth Paltrow

Know what? I really don’t give a shit what this woman has to say. I haven’t lived in her world, and she hasn’t lived in mine. What we haven’t experienced is always hard to understand, and sometimes that gap is not bridgable. I do find it intensely annoying, however, when folks insist on talking endlessly about things they know nothing about. So my advice for her? Shut up and go make a movie.